We Won't Miss You

These flowers are still making me happy.

In 2005 Rutgers University did a study and found that women who received flowers reported an increased sense of well being for several days. Women who received candles and candy did not report any change in well being.

It's a good thing so many generous and thoughtful people brought me flowers because I needed all the help I could get. I've always considered myself to be strong and resilient. In college I went on a 30 day backpacking trek and realized that I was the strongest and least whiny girl, even stronger and less whiny than some of the guys. I was tough. I could take it.

I had 4 babies - 2 of them completely natural (the natural births were much more satisfying than the ones with an epidural) - and was back to vacuuming and driving cars in no time at all. Do they still tell new moms not to drive a car for 4 weeks? WHY?

So I figured gall bladder removal would be a breeze. I was even looking forward to it- I figured I could watch TV and read and be waited on. Everyone told me the surgery was a cinch. I'd be up and around in a few days, minimal pain, and could even see a movie (at the theatre) with my husband after 3 days. Easy peasy.

Ha.

Three days after my surgery found me, in a drug induced state, weakly whining for Roland on his phone (he was sleeping the guest room) at 1:00 AM requesting pain meds way before they were due. He tried to tell me I was ahead of schedule and needed to wait, at which point I cried and begged for Cream of Wheat.

Roland said, "I don't know how to make Cream of Wheat." and left the room. I heard crashing and banging the in the kitchen and at 1:15 AM my Prince, on a white steed, stood there with a slightly lumpy bowl of Cream of Wheat, apple juice, and my pain meds 45 minutes ahead of schedule. And here is the kicker - he was cheerful.

Add to this story 6 days of:

• Lots of drama (oh, how I can't stand drama)
• Unending exclamations of excruciating pain (Pretty sure they left a scalpel in me!)
• Demanding meds every 2 hours rather than 4 hours
• Sleeping sitting up all night
• That horrible dying woman voice I used
  
• The dreaded gas bubbles in the shoulders for 4 days

You pretty much have the picture. I am not cut out for this stuff.

I was doing so poorly because there were complications during surgery and it took 3 times longer than usual. Roland reported, on my Friday the 13th post, that there were 15 stones that popped out of the gall bladder when the surgeon (kind of a Patch Adams character) made the incision. I thought he was exaggerating. Well, Dr. Patch told us that no, it wasn't 15 stones. It was 30. And they had to hunt each one down in my body. Sorry, hope you weren't snacking on Whoppers just now.

This has cured me of any possible desire for plastic surgery of any sort. Sorry, your just gonna need to be assalted by the vision of my neck cellulite.

But, I do have to say, if you are going to need surgery of any sort, move into my neighborhood because my church knows how to take care of whiny women who are sick. Holy Cow. We got meals, three delicious full meals including dessert, they were huge and each lasted for two days! Plus 3 loaves of bread (not part of the meals) and brownies and rides for the boys to events. I mean, really. It was wonderful and made us feel so loved. Thanks everyone.

I am feeling much much better. Those flowers really do work.