In the last few weeks I have had 2 weird situations regarding alcohol, or more specifically, my lack of alcohol intake.Situation #1:
At a neighborhood brunch everyone is drinking mimosas and they keep offering them to me. I decline. After their 3-4th drink this is the conversation I had with the lady who use to be a dancer in big Broadway shows, on Broadway.
Broadway: Are you SURE you don't want one? they are SO good (can you hear the slight slurring?)
Me: No thanks (smile)
Broadway: Why not? Don't you drink?
Me: No, not really, (Smile, glance around looking for escape)
Broadway: Never? You never drink!? (big red lips in surprised OH! shape)
Me: No. I don't (please don't talk so LOUD).
Broadway: So, then, are you a teetotaler? (practically yelling now)
Me: Umm, Yes. I guess I am (big smile, this is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time)
Broadway: OH! I am so PROUD of you! (Hugs me, pulls back and gazes lovingly at me, hugs again). Can I get you some coffee?
Situation #2
End Of The Season Football Party. Four of the moms are sitting and chatting while the boys tear up the restaurant/game room. My friend is telling a story about a Halloween party and starts describing a drinking game. Suddenly, right when she is getting to the good part, she stops, gasps a little and says:
"Oh Robin! I am so sorry! Making you listen to how bad I am!"
Everyone turns to look at me. I'm confused and surprised. I am probably the only real non-drinker they have ever met. Its like I'm a freak.
I don't care if others drink, smoke, or stare at the sun.
I wish she wouldn't have apologized to me, but I understand why she did. I have a friend who is vegetarian for religious reasons. When she comes over and I have been frying up some bacon, or chicken, my first impulse is to apologize to her. I think the reason I feel apologetic is because I admire her religious convictions and want to convey that to her. I apologized to her once and I saw how uncomfortable it made her. So now I stop myself from apologizing for eating meat. It is her decision to be vegetarian, not mine.
Why do we do this? Why do people apologize to me for drinking? Why do I apologize for my messy house? My body size? My grubby clothing (rarely in grubs, but I feel the need to apologize when dressed so)? My thirst for Dr. Pepper?
I think it is because we worry that people will think poorly of us if we aren't like them.
Let's trust each other to hold high opinion of those different than us. I'll not think poorly of you for living your life differently. And I will assume the same from you. I'll not judge you for an unmowed yard or cluttered car and hope that you extend me the same courtesy. I think it comes down to being real.
But, if I catch you staring at the sun I might tell you to stop. It's the mom in me.
16 comments:
Hey there, friend of Sally's that lurks on your blog. I loved this post. Every time my neighbor comes over I apologize for my messy house. I have 2 toddlers. I should stop apologizing. I'm also vegetarian and people apologize to me if I'm at their house and meat is served. I tell them not to and that I don't expect people to work around my eating habits. I was meant to read this post today. Thankyou!
Oh Robin, that first story made me laugh so hard! That is so funny and you told it so well. As usual, you make my day.
By the way - did you know they cut down the pretty tree that used to be by the lamp post at your old house? It looks practically naked now.
I was thinking of Shauna when you write about the meat b/c I always apologize to her and then she commented! Love the blogging world.
Just go have a drink. It'll make you more fun.
Don't apologize for things that don't hurt other people. Apologizing is meant as something that comes from the heart and is a gift given in return for hurting someone. Dr. Pepper hurts no one.... unless you burp in their face after you take a swig.
Di
The Blue Ridge Gal
I'd like to make a toast.
Cheers Robin...I mean Bravo!
I think next time they offer you a drink, you should say, "Sure, I'll take a Dr. Pepper."
My friend at work apologized to me that her friends might wear immodest costumes to her Scentsy Halloween party on Thursday night.
I love apologists! They make me smile.
When we first got to Ohio, it was hard for people in my program to comprehend that we didn't drink. At one reception-thingy we attended, while Em was pregnant, there were no non-alcoholic drinks available. NONE. Not even water. When Em asked for water, I kid you not, the bartender kind of looked around, and then offered to pour her a cup of runoff from the icebucket.
Later that night a buzzed friend quizzed me about our abstinence, just like Broadway. At one point, he asked, "Don't you feel like you're missing out?"
I answered, "No, I really don't. I'm 30 years old, I'm married with two kids and have more interests than I'll ever have time for. I don't feel like I'm missing much."
He thought for a second, kind of looking off into space, and nodded. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah I can see that."
So that's my story.
Also, I've gotten the "You know, Hitler was a teetolar," a couple of times. I still haven't figured out how to respond to that.
The same thing happened to me 2 days ago at a friend's Silpada (ridiculously expensive jewelry) party. Last night she called and told me how much she admired me, that sober I was more fun to be with than any other girlfriend she has, and that she wanted to spend more time with me (it had been months since we had done something together). She said I inspired her once again to live the way she knew she should be living, blah blah blah..., but I know she meant it and was being sincere. We are getting together tomorrow evening!
Joe- Anweiser Busch reps and other distributers of the same ilk probably love to tell bartenders that. Hitler was also a vegetarian, nonsmoker, and CELIBATE, not to mention being a bit crazy.
Ahh Robin, you have made my day, yet again.
Ahh Robin, you have made my day, yet again.
Thanks for the great post Robin!
So true and very well put.
I am laughing because I have Brian Regan on the brain now, Sun Staring. LOL
I'm glad you didn't succumb to peer pressure. I'm an apologizer too though. Ask KK, I think I drove her crazy during her visit out here. ;)
Yeah Robin! Whenever I go to a friends and they try and apologize for something, I always stop them, I am coming to visit them, not grade their house or appearance- Thanks for reminding me to be myself, not try to be something else. Kelly
I love this post. I have really appreciated living in a place where I am not "normal". Where I have relearned (after living in Utah) to really appreciate those not like me and have them accept me for my beliefs too.
For awhile there, Kent was trying to not drink soda too. So, at our neighborhood bbqs we got teased (lovingly) alot. It was pretty funny when they would mockingly offer Kent a juice box from the kids table.
Next time someone makes a big deal about my abstinence I'm going to say "I get drunk on life ... Kind of like 'I get high on life', but different."
;)
It's funny, because you take drugs to get high to highten your senses, thus the "high on life" thing, but "drunk on life" ... what does that mean? Yeah, life makes me generally sleepy, slur my words, and say stupid things. Like now.
Hi Robin! Roland forwarded the link to your blog after a conversation at work the other day. I loved this post best! Thanks for sharing. Corey
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