I only got pregnant because I am Mormon. If I had not been Mormon I probably would have been pregnant in High School. All those YW morality/temple marriage lessons paid off.
I only got pregnant because that was what you were supposed to do:
1. Get married in the temple
2. Get An Education (I will harp on this to all YW)
3. Have a baby.
Well, I had done the first 2 things, so even though I was pretty sure I didn’t want a baby (my mom had a baby when I was 15 so I knew how hard it was and I wasn’t sure I was selfless enough to do what had to be done to keep that baby alive), I knew that I had to do my part to multiply and replenish. We did it because it was the next “thing to do”.
Five weeks shy of my 24th birthday found me in labor and scared. Roland was strong and ready to do anything he could to make it okay. I was sure I would be a horrible mother. I was selfish and self absorbed and I knew it. I loved being pregnant and all the attention and showers. It was the baby part that had me concerned.
Even as I pushed I worried that they would show me the baby and I would feel nothing. I would have to pretend that I was happy. I wondered if Roland already knew I was going to be a bad mom.
I was completely unprepared for the impact. When Hannah was placed, seconds old, on my tummy it was as if a huge light switch had been turned on and we were suddenly in the most warm, comforting light. It was as if Roland and I had finally found our dear lost friend. It is the closest thing I have felt to the joy that must be present in heaven. To have sweet Hannah and Roland there together, I felt completed.
Roland likes to talk about the drive home. He suddenly saw all the dangers in the real world. He realized what a huge responsibility he had. He was not only the husband, but the dad. When we got home we put Hannah in her perfectly prepared crib in her scrupulously clean nursery and stood there staring at her. What else was there to do but wait until she waked and needed us? We sat down and wait for her to need us. It didn’t take long.
Today she celebrates her 20th birthday - she is at BYU. She is smart, beautiful, funny, talented. She makes us happy and proud. When Hannah comes home from college we all sit around adoring her. She tells us stories, sings us songs, does little dances, acts out funny situations she has been in. We cheer for more! The boys jump up and down and fight over her saying, “Hannah! Watch me!” or “Hannah! Look what I can do!” Roland is the loudest, he wants all her attention.
Hannah Lorene is a wonderful girl.
Happy Birthday Sweet Daughter.
10 comments:
HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY HANNAH! I love you so much. I remember when you were born, and you were crying in the hospital and I was the only one who could calm you. Then when Ruby was born, she gave you her first smile.
Look at what a cute little girl you were! Ruby was looking at these photos of you and when we got to the one of you and Roland, she said, "That's Ruby when I grow up!" ;-)
hahaha. i loved ruby's phone message. "grandma's coming to my house". tell her thank you.
and thank you mom. you made me tear up during BKP's talk so now i look like i'm super spiritual.
i love you very much and am glad i'm alive. Your lovely birthday in a box makes me feel like i'm there with you. i'm opening the presents one by one. so far i got the laminated Patriarchal blessing, a white t shirt, and Post It notes in an H. you know me too, too well.
Hannah, you are an amazing girl, well, woman, I guess! As I read this and looked at these pictures I remembered you at my wedding, toddling around in a pink dress with ruffled sox and white patent leather mary janes.
I am so proud of you and I love you very much! I am thrilled to see you grow up. I enjoyed so much our lunch together at Chili's before you headed off to college and wish you were closer so we could do that more. It has been fun to watch as you've gone from tiny baby, to little girl, to tomboy, to darling young woman, and now you are an incredible, intelligent, confident, beautiful, and vibrant woman.
Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
With so much llove,
-Aunt Kristen
I remember when Hannah was born, you told me that it was like you realized why you were born, why you were put on this earth. I didn't get it then, but I understand now.
Hannah is like light. She has such a bright, smart and wonderful personality. We are all thankful for Hannah, she has made a difference.
P.S. Hannah, you barfed on me when you were a baby, but I love you anyway.
Hannah is so wonderful! We are so glad we know her. (and gorgeous too, she is so beautiful and always has been.) I love the baby hair bow!
Robin, I find it totally amusing and eye opening that you were insecure about something ever! You and Roland are great parents. :)
Hannah- sorry we didn't call you today, we thought of you and couldn't find a number for you! Many hugs and kisses from the Austin Cousins. (warning, when receiving kisses from Lily it is advisable to have her pucker, then wipe her juicy lips off on her sleeve, then get the sugar. Michael has perfected this, it is a riot.) (Oh, and Henry is a HUGE smoocher, but sometimes he forgets and bites. Watch out for that too.)
xoxoxoxo
Aunt Melissa
Robin, I love this post. I couldn't wait to have a baby, but having one made me want a million more. Until I realized they grow up and bug me.
What a nice tribute to your wonderful daughter! We love having Hannah out here, and we only wish we could see her more! Happy Birthday to Hannah!
She's so beautiful! Especially with out the gauges in her ears!
Dear Robin, I know this post is about Hannah but really it is about me. And you. I love how you described the "guess I'll have kids now" experience as well as the "I don't even like babies" and then the "hormones rule" experience. Great post. We're twins.
My oldest is 21 at BYU. I'm glad their will be someone else at bloga palooza with old kids. Looking forward to meeting you.
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