A Few Tips on Family Sex Ed:
- Get the information to them before the world gets to them. Unfortunately, with the sexualization of our children, they need correct information at a much younger age than you did. If you teach them a healthy view of sex at a young age, then when they are exposed to stories, lyrics, or movies, they are in a position of power and confidence. They are equipped to make the right choices.
- Your kids need to see you as a great resource, especially in this area. Approach the topic in an easy manner. Let them know, by your attitude, that talking to you about this is not a big deal.
- Side note: My parents were real cool about this. I could ask them anything and I did. I asked them what swear words meant (yes, they explained lots of stuff to me), and what certain gestures meant. They always responded calmly and never interrogated me on where I was picking up this stuff. They were approachable.
Read it first and then give it to your child to read, or read it with your child. Let them ask questions and answer them pleasantly (see #2). Leave this book laying around for a few years. Put it in the bookshelf with the Harry Potter books. Later on, get it out and leave it on the kitchen counter for a few days.
There you have it. My approach to Sex Ed. Still have questions? Ask away, I am approachable on this topic.
11 comments:
This is great advice. I'm wondering--a poll of you and your readers--what ages did children start asking? This is a complicated question because children start asking simply, like how babies are made (you can skip the sex part for toddlers), but I'm wondering how early you talk about sex, at what age you get specific. Obviously this is a sliding scale for different children living in different situations.
I'll be needing to find that book soon. Great advice. I am trying so hard not to have sex be a taboo topic in our house. Dave is great at answering questions... I still sputter and blush, but I'm getting better.
Last spring Michael walked up while I was browning the meat for dinner and we chatted about sex. Just what I was expecting on a Tuesday night. (His 3rd grade friends at the lunch table were saying it was ok to do when you turned 16.) (AAAAACKS!) We had a nice chat and I hope I gave him enough info for the moment and not too much...
It's okay when your 16. Wow. AAAAACK! is right! Oh dear, we are in for it.
Wait, what's the age I should give them this book? Ask my six year olds all about periods and my 8 year old all about puberty, and we are good. But how babies are made??? HF sends them of course!
So tell me a good age. I'm ready to tell them but not sure they are to hear it. Thank you for your advice. I will obey.
aggghhhh....i know it's coming but I'm so thankful to have parents like you who are only 'slightly' ahead of me to give me great tips like this! Thanks for all the tips!
I love your topic! It was such an open topic in our house. My parents sat my brother and I down at about 6&7 or 7&8 and explained how babies got in their mommys' tummies. We were SO grossed out. I remember walking upstairs with my brother and both of us agreeing we were never going to do that. Hee Hee.
When my brother found out my stepmom was pregnant when he was 16, he said sex after 24 was also disgusting. At 29 we still haven't let him live that down!
I didn't put an age on the post because I think that is up to the parent. But I would make sure they have all the information by the time they are 9.
I think my parents told me when I was 7.
Oh I'm scared. When he finds out where that peni$ goes there is going to be freak out time. Wish me luck. I need luck.
Loved this post!!
Brad Wilcox was the best El Ed professor I had at BYU. He changed my life and made me feel like a million bucks. I think about him (or something I learned in his class) almost every day.
Last year he spoke at Women's Conf and I got up the courage to send him a "thank you" note. He responded a week later with a handwritten note and an autographed copy of one of his children's books! That's how great he is.
I have not read his sex book...but I do have the one the Eyres wrote (also excellent) and they recommend age 8 as the perfect age for "the talk" with lots of follow ups afterward.
Thank you so much for this post...love tips from moms who are farther down the parenting path!!!
This is one subject that doesn't phase me at all.
I have talked with both of my boys about sex and explained how it's done, why it's done, how it's wonderful and amazing, and a God-given gift, and how it is sacred and treasured. I talked about it when it came up, I had "the talk" with each of them, starting with the book "A Child is Born" to show the amazing process of a child's development and growth, then back to how that new life started, and forward to how it gets out of the body.
We talked about how sad it would be not to have a mom and dad if you could help it and wouldn't it be great if every child could have a mom and dad who love each other and are married. We did the whole shebang. With my older son the response (at age 8) was, "Wow, that's cool." My younger son's response (at age 9 - he didn't want to know earlier) was, "Ewww! Gross!!!"
We talk about sex whenever it seems like a teachable moment about it. Movies, t.v., jokes, they all bring it up, and we just deal with it. It's not scary, it's not bad, it's a very big and important part of life. So we make it easy to talk about it.
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